I Hope This Is The Reason You Won’t Need Me Anymore

My dear child, the moment you were laid upon my chest my heart overflowed with love, tears were streaming down my face. Ten pink little toes and ten tiny fingers that wrapped around mine, a perfect fit. So much perfection in a little face, the scent of a new baby began to be my favorite smell. I dressed you in my favorite going home outfit and you looked nothing like I imagined, but better.

I was thankful you slept so well in the beginning, I almost wish I would have taken the sleep if I knew what was in store later on down the road. It was just to hard not to watch you sleep as peacefully as you did, little breaths inhaling and exhaling with smiles as big as ever. I always wondered what you were dreaming of. But I was hoping you’d dream of it more if that meant I was able to catch another glimpse of your toothless grins. Those were always my favorite.

I wonder what it will be like to no longer have to chase the monsters away from your closet. I wonder what it will be like when kisses don’t make your owies go away. I wonder what it will be like to not be able to fix every problem that comes your way. I wonder what it will be like when you fall asleep for the first time without telling me you love me a hundred times and asking me for one more hug goodnight. I wonder what it will be like when you don’t need me anymore.

I’m grateful it will come slowly and not all at once. But I hope by doing all of these things for you, you just learned all of the things I taught you along the way.

I hope you just remembered that monsters are not real, and you are brave enough to chase them all away. That my kisses may not fix everything painful but you will always have me to take care of you. That I may not be able to fix all your problems, but I will always be able to listen to them so you know you are never alone. That I know you may forget to tell me you love me, but you will always show it in a thousand ways, in all the ways that I showed you. Even if you don’t need me as much anymore, I know I will always be your Mother and that title is forever, and my job is never ending even if the requests slow down.

For the days continuing on I will stay basking in this moment with you, always reminding you of the things I hope you remember. The things that you will need to know, when you don’t need me as much anymore.

With all my love,

forever Mama.

Nonfiction