Don’t let the title fool you completely, we did have history together. But we were completely and totally broken up, trust me.
He was no saint, let’s just say that. But dammit for him to play me like a fiddle, I don’t know why but it only made me want him more. I wanted to know I was capable of catching him, of making him mine. Perhaps it was his uniform he wore so damn good that made me so attracted to him. Then again, it could have been his words that he used to keep me crawling back to him every time I decided to find someone new. I can assure you one thing, anytime I attempted to date someone, he was never, ever far behind. He was so difficult to please, to understand. But, I always tried to get in his head in hopes to figure out how his mind works.
Finally we both decided this was it, I was going to fly out to meet his family and see if our relationship was worth a lick of anything, to see if there was anything left there to revisit and start new. I knew in the beginning it would be just like any other time, he loved me so much when we were together, but the Navy had a way with sending him as far away from me as possible. Each time he left with them, his love for me did too. Whatever love he did have for me was only shown through drunken text messages and late night calls. I understand why he had to separate the two. It was too difficult for him to morph together. But I truly wanted this time to be it, I wanted this to be the last time, the last game we played. I wasn’t necessarily expecting us to get married, but to get his head out of his ass at the very least. When he asked me about getting married completely out of the blue and said we’d do it the next day, I laughed knowing he’d change his mind soon after. I’ll be damned if we didn’t whip everything together to do it THAT day. I will say that entire time I was waiting for him to pull me aside to tell me he wasn’t ready. But next thing you know we were standing in front of each other. Up until we say I do, I was thinking in mind when is he going to leave? When is he going to say, “I’m not ready, I’m so sorry.”
He said, “I do.” And all I could think is, “What the fuck did I just do?” I’ll admit, we were both a little shaken up after the fact, and I wasn’t expecting my father in law I just met to be in the bathroom while vomiting my guts out after celebrating an unexpected event. What a way to start that out.
We had our issues after getting married, there had been times I questioned his spur of the moment decision and my choice on following through. But somehow, we made it through. We’ve been married almost four years and now we just laugh at how miserable things could have turned out. Although I do not recommend getting married on a whim at 19 years old, especially to someone you’re not dating. At least don’t try to get them pregnant as well, he did that and succeeded. Did I forget to mention that?